You hear it again and again: "Image is everything." The promise of a "new, sexy you" is the basis of the entire beauty and fashion industry. We are continually encouraged to "find our perfect palette," complete the "8-week body makeover" and change our haircut and color to "transform our life."
From shows like "Extreme Makeover" to "Nip/Tuck," women have been plucked, buffed, preened and altered in what is allegedly a desperate attempt to rescue us from our "misery." But, what do we have to be miserable about?
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The most essential and most often missed element of the makeover equation is your sexuality. The elaborate, time-consuming and often-painful makeover experience is hardly conducive to one's sexual pleasure. In the end, what's most important is how you feel about your body.
Step One: Embrace Your Body
Some of us are incredibly enthusiastic about our bodies, and if you are one of the lucky few, I applaud you for having worked out this intense internal equation. But, for many of us, it's a long-running battle that we fight every day. Our bodies go through changes every day and every year as we grow as women. Some of these changes are related to our cycles, and others seem completely unpredictable. We get PMS, we ovulate, we get pregnant, get fit, get sick, have surgery -- and all of these transformations intensely affect our libidos.
Ironically, most women spend their entire adult lives struggling against nature, when in fact, our reproductive capacity necessitates that our weight and bodily proportions naturally change from puberty to menopause. It's part of the natural cycle, and it's a cycle that we should embrace in all of its complexity.
Feeling sexy naked is a constant challenge in this over-hyped world of unrealistic standards of beauty. The first step towards enjoying your sexuality is embracing your body image. Feeling good about how you perceive yourself, regardless of your exact body type, and understanding how your body can feel pleasure are the two keys here. Body image, both positive and negative, is directly linked to our ability to experience pleasure.
Start off by looking in the mirror and seeing what is right, instead of what is wrong. The whole process of self-perception needs to change, shifting the way a woman looks at herself -- not changing the way women look. Try walking around your apartment in the buff (although I recommend some good shades, curtains or blinds).
Get used to all of your nooks, crannies, curves, bumps, freckles, muscles, smoothness, unevenness, nipple size, scars, dimples -- they are all YOURS! Promote strength instead of skinny, pleasure-filled experiences instead of sex appeal, being emotionally and sexually sated -- instead of starving.
Finding pleasure in your own image may not be easy initially, but your body and your pleasure are yours to own. It is up to you to decide how, and when, you share it with someone else. To that end, understanding what turns you on and gets you off also allows you to achieve sexual equality and mutual orgasm with a partner, which is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Once you've worked on your thinking about your body, the next step involves how you think about your mind.
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