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We all dream of the perfect relationship. Fulfilling, loving, trusting, romantic, special...hot. So what is the secret to a lasting relationship?
Well, the first secret is that there is no one secret, says David Niven, psychologist and author of The 100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships (HarperSanFrancisco). The South Florida-based researcher has gotten the labor of love down to a science... literally.
To get the answers, he turned to the leading scientific journals for their findings on relationships. Drawing from actual scientific research, Niven put together his heartfelt handbook with the 100 simplest secrets to relationship success. He's weeded through the scientific jargon to present the plain facts in layman's terms. For example, bet you didn't know:
Researchers found that the traits that first attracted people to their partner were no longer relevant to 34 percent of them when asked six months or more after they began dating.
In long-term studies of middle class Americans, those who were satisfied with themselves and their lives 10 years ago are today five times more likely to report having a happy relationship with a love interest. Each chapter of his relationship bible contains not only the statistics, but also the secret and an example of how it applies in the real world. So how did Niven come up with his literary love potion? Well, it actually stemmed from his love-hate relationship with academic journals -- he loved the information they provided, but hated the way it was presented.
"I was in the basement of the psychology library and I looked at the stacks of journals and thought about the great information in academic research journals that contributes to people's lives but they never see," Niven tells eDiets. "I saw the need to translate the best science into language that everyone would understand and use.
"This is information people should have and they're not going to have it unless they spend time hanging out in the university libraries."
Niven points out that although he's sharing 100 secrets compiled from the data he collected, there are a couple golden rules that are crucial to laying the foundation of a healthy relationship. First and foremost, he says people must be self-directed in a relationship and determine what they want from a partner. That's something only YOU can decide -- not friends, family or co-workers.
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